vfowler blog

Recently my wife had a miscarriage. We both learnt a lot from the rather traumatic experience. There were many occasions though that information was lacking. We gained a lot of general knowledge on the topic through talking with friends and family. Mostly for the purposes of studying The Internet and Everyday Life, I am now using the Internet to find out more about early pregnancy miscarriage, and perhaps our particular case. I am interested to compare the information I can find on websites with what we received from doctors in the Emergency Department at Box Hill Hospital.

As usual, things often start with a plain (non-phrasal) Google search. http://www.google.com.au/search?q=early+pregnancy+miscarriage Inspecting the top 10 results, it is not surprising to see that most are from *.com.au and *.com domains. None of the sites have a high popularity rank, except the Wikipedia and miscarriage.about.com entries, which rank #7 and #71 respectively. Next I refined my search to include the terms gestational and sac, i.e. http://www.google.com.au/search?q=early+pregnancy+miscarriage+gestational+sac which yielded some concrete results. Carefully reading the description meta data in the search results, lead me to learn about blighted ova as the possible type of miscarriage.

In the course of this research project, my knowledge of the topic has broadened, but mostly consolidated and confirmed what the doctors explained to us. However, given the lack of information given to us on basic pregnancy procedures from the general practitioners, who initially confirmed the pregnancy and gave a subsequent consultation, I would highly recommend first time pregnancy partners do their own homework on this, particularly through the first trimester and even before attempting to become pregnant. Things such as knowing exact dates can aid in diagnosis.

On the topic of early pregnancy miscarriage, I would recommend choosing sites which:

• give factual information and not opinions,
• detail relevant dates that the information was last updated / published,
• contain information that is independently reviewed by a recognisable authority,
• and contain articles sourced from credible sources.

There are several Q&A advice sites, but none I looked into contained the specific information I was after. Mamapedia™ appears a good community, sharing the wisdom of moms. This site does have a section on miscarriage, which provides useful links from around the web, such as Talking to Children About Miscarriage and Pregnancy Loss at *.about.com, but the taxonomy is too limited for my search purposes.

Two most useful sites I explored are http://miscarriage.about.com/ (particularly the series of 7 pages titled Understanding Early Pregnancy / First Trimester Ultrasound Results), and http://www.americanpregnancy.org/pregnancycomplications/miscarriage.html. The former is great for giving accurate information on what to expect under normal circumstances and where the science and technology is at in determining diagnoses. Terminology is explained well and essential diagrams aid comprehension. The latter website, although recommending advice through intermediaries, also gives a good general overview with symptoms, causes and treatment options for miscarriage, as well as (in an apomediary role) refer helpful web sites that address miscarriage.

References

Online, we can create, nurture, maintain, and even cease relationships. In some instances these may be easier processes than their off-line equivalents. And it seems popular, with teens at least, to do a little of both. (Pascoe, n.d.)

How far would a partner/spouse have to go online before it is considered cheating?
Cheating needs to be defined by the intimate partners and although there is a general perception of what it means, individuals will have degrees of difference. Here are a couple of definitions worth examining.

4. to practice fraud or deceit: She cheats without regrets.
7. Informal . to be sexually unfaithful (often fol. by on ): Her husband knew she had been cheating all along. He cheated on his wife.
(Dictionary.com Unabridged)

How far can one go online under these definitions of cheating?

Briefly, the fourth definition above makes it as easy as lying or deceiving via some form of online communication, to the detriment of a partner/spouse relationship. Although broad, worth consideration for the nature of such deceit to come out through Facebook for instance. Nonetheless, surely such fraud must be deliberate before being considered cheating.

Under the seventh definition however, to cheat on one’s partner or spouse in a cyber-sex fashion could be termed polyandry as in having two or more mates [...] successively (Dictionary.com Unabridged). Apart from cultures that tolerate polygamy or polyamory, none would disagree that this would be cheating. The issue here is that such relationships are enacted without the knowledge and consent of all partners concerned (Wikipedia, The Free Encyclopedia). Thus to engage in any form of cyber-sex with a partner other than one’s spouse (in monogamous partnerships), is to be sexually unfaithful and probably break a vow of marriage.

Up to what point is flirting online acceptable?
Provided it is reciprocated, flirting between one another is accepted, and possibly expected, particularly in the early stages of a relationship. In the online world, this seems no different to me. Reciprocation deems acceptance, whether it be sending instant messages or posting private messages through the Internet. Depending on the individuals, perhaps even posting comments to public spaces is also acceptable. There isn’t any stage in a relationship that makes flirting between intimate partners unacceptable. It simply migrates to off-line forms when those involved can spend enough time face-to-face.

Cyber-sex is real
The term immediately makes me think of the scene from The Lawnmower Man where he and some token girl get hooked up. Although the characters’ real bodies don’t have intercourse with each other, their virtual representations or avatars, seem to. An interesting portrayal of how real cyber-sex could be. Given any sexual activity whatsoever, presumably involving at least one individual, and the Internet, you’ve met the requirements for cyber-sex, then I would say it is very real. How can it not be real?

References

• cheating. (n.d.). Dictionary.com Unabridged. Retrieved October 22, 2010, from Dictionary.com website: http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/cheating
• Leonard, B. (1992). IMDb Video: The Lawnmower Man. Retrieved from http://www.imdb.com/video/screenplay/vi4119789849/
• Pascoe, C. (n.d.). Final Report: Intimacy. DIGITAL YOUTH RESEARCH. Retrieved September 12, 2010, from http://digitalyouth.ischool.berkeley.edu/book-intimacy
• Polyamory. (2010, October 22). In Wikipedia, The Free Encyclopedia. Retrieved 05:45, October 23, 2010, from http://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Polyamory&oldid=392138336
• polyandry. (n.d.). Dictionary.com Unabridged. Retrieved October 22, 2010, from Dictionary.com website: http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/polyandry