Weifang 潍坊 International Kite Festival was a spectacular and colourful event that highlighted our weekend. With both foreign and local friends together, a day-trip to the festivities was just what I needed. Every year in the middle of April, competitors from all over the globe come to fly and fight against each other for the prestigious title of champion kite-flyer.

The military clad lads didn’t hang about much after we arrived.

The amazing kites aloft included a theme set of marine life with a giant sea-horse, squid, lobster and sting-ray aloft in the sky. Others floating around included the dragon kites, some hoop kites, a fat Winnie the Pooh, a pheonix, a Homer Simpson and the famous box kite.

The deluge of celebrity stardom treatment over us was far more than there ought to have been. We checked out the international competitors pavilions and met any folk we could say Hello to, in their native tongue. When strolling around with Ivan, it’s not too hard to cover most of the globe in this way. However the shear number of locals who would simply request a token photo with us foreigners, is sky-high. Never mind your name, nor any other interesting details, just shut-up and smile! It was quite hilarious and bizarre at the same time.

Unforgettable was the cute girl who must have been in training for how to pose. It was her reflex to do so when I asked for a photo of her and her Hello Kitty balloon. Check out the resulting photo!

On our return train ride to Jinan, the conductor? guy decided to meet the foreign crowd with a little more curiosity. First up, we must establish who is the stronger. A simple arm-wrestle will decide this. One by one, he tried on all the boys in this game of manhood. The conversation only came to a halt when the conductor? guy had to get off at his stop.

Some of our students used to think Australia Day is April Fool’s Day! Finishing work on Friday afternoon, we tasted a sizzlin’ lunch, tested the Blue Mountain coffee in the newly discovered campus cafe, and toasted to our survival of another week, (ignore that the bus driver nearly killed us, starting to drive away as we alighted!)

Easter was next on the calendar, and our crew were doubtful the bunny would find us here in the big smoke. More likely a dragon would. In true Aussie style, a little holiday was planned, and we headed for the seaside town of QingDao. Our train had obviously been updated with a wonderful TV and no volume control. The “find a hotel” project got derailed as our stomachs began to rumble.

Last Thursday night I enjoyed dinner with 1 of China’s top 5 people, a meal of the top 3 dishes ordered from the restaurant’s top 10 list. Time for a little variety, there’s only so much great Chinese food one can handle. The posh hotel buffet lunch certainly filled our bellies. Just one more choc-coated marshmallow stick for the road…

An evening stroll along the pier to walk off the lunch kilos. There are hints of St Kilda pier and for the first time in ages, I think of home…

With 3 Chinese kids, I played some hacky sack out front of the St Michael’s church on Easter Sunday morning. Mornings in China start from 6AM for me! Somehow it’s easy for others to get up and practise their tai-chi, a sword version, fan dancing, and similar physical activities at the crack of dawn. I spotted an elderly man practising his thrusting – use it or lose it, that’s his motto!

Fruitless shopping is a popular past-time for many locals. I have to admit, I’ve joined in, but like most males, my shopping is exclusively results oriented. The latest success was an incense burner and a few sticks. At long last, my days of showering with drains stinking of sewer stench are over!
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I honestly didn’t believe extreme culture shock was possible on one’s second visit… How utterly foolish of me! In fact so bizarre and amazingly different to my first visit, so distant to the clichés of Shanghai shoppers and Beijing bush-hankies, this little part of China shall be henceforth known as the twilight zone.

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Sorry, in fact the bush-hankies are popular, even here in the zone. The haark-and-spit is not exactly rampant in the streets, but to my horror I witnessed a female student spitting in the hallway on her way to class!

Should I mention my lack of fire-fighting training? It was after all, only a small fire we had in class last week.

In order to survive here, you’ll need a truck load of tools, including the house engineer gear. I’m not kidding! Be prepared to fix your own domestic disasters, ranging from electric failures and carpentry cock-ups to plumbing problems.

To help you out, I’ll give you a few handy bits. 菜鸟 Newbie Mandarin can be learnt from Ken Carrol and Jenny via some lessons on chinesepod.com So be sure to study up on:

• 菜鸟151 Don’t Drink the Water
• 菜鸟157 Power Outage
• 菜鸟158 Trip to the Supermarket

Here’s a couple of additions, thanks to one of my students and one of the Chinese English teachers. To solve the problem of bastardly shopkeepers reluctant to give a lot of small change, you could buy something worth 1 yuan and slap a fiver down on the counter. A bit of a pain if you can’t be arsed going shopping everyday. So here’s your Pin yin phrase to ask for change of a fiver:

ke yi gei wo huan wu ge yi kuai de ling qian ma?

Okay so the wu part is the 5, but don’t bother trying for 10 because you won’t get it. Next I have a variant of the “Can I take a photo of you?” question on every polite photographer’s mind, (despite the fact that politeness has a completely different meaning in the zone!)

wo neng gei ni zhao xiang ma?

Need this in another language? Check the forum at “May I take your picture” – add translations for as many languages as possible! Speaking of languages, if you’re into gaining some ability to read the written lingo while in the zone, try to learn Chinese characters, 中文.

Now reward yourself. There’s plenty of great food and you can afford to splash out as often as you want. Carnivores beware, just remember the 6 to 66 rule, ie. food should be kept below 6 or above 66 degrees or the devil will sting you in the ring. Beer is cheap, about 42 cents (Australian) for a 600ml bottle. We’re off to Qingdao this weekend to see what’s left after the Germans departed, 1914 – thankfully the beer factory remains.