Some of our students used to think Australia Day is April Fool’s Day! Finishing work on Friday afternoon, we tasted a sizzlin’ lunch, tested the Blue Mountain coffee in the newly discovered campus cafe, and toasted to our survival of another week, (ignore that the bus driver nearly killed us, starting to drive away as we alighted!)

Easter was next on the calendar, and our crew were doubtful the bunny would find us here in the big smoke. More likely a dragon would. In true Aussie style, a little holiday was planned, and we headed for the seaside town of QingDao. Our train had obviously been updated with a wonderful TV and no volume control. The “find a hotel” project got derailed as our stomachs began to rumble.

Last Thursday night I enjoyed dinner with 1 of China’s top 5 people, a meal of the top 3 dishes ordered from the restaurant’s top 10 list. Time for a little variety, there’s only so much great Chinese food one can handle. The posh hotel buffet lunch certainly filled our bellies. Just one more choc-coated marshmallow stick for the road…

An evening stroll along the pier to walk off the lunch kilos. There are hints of St Kilda pier and for the first time in ages, I think of home…

With 3 Chinese kids, I played some hacky sack out front of the St Michael’s church on Easter Sunday morning. Mornings in China start from 6AM for me! Somehow it’s easy for others to get up and practise their tai-chi, a sword version, fan dancing, and similar physical activities at the crack of dawn. I spotted an elderly man practising his thrusting - use it or lose it, that’s his motto!

Fruitless shopping is a popular past-time for many locals. I have to admit, I’ve joined in, but like most males, my shopping is exclusively results oriented. The latest success was an incense burner and a few sticks. At long last, my days of showering with drains stinking of sewer stench are over!
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I honestly didn’t believe extreme culture shock was possible on one’s second visit… How utterly foolish of me! In fact so bizarre and amazingly different to my first visit, so distant to the clichés of Shanghai shoppers and Beijing bush-hankies, this little part of China shall be henceforth known as the twilight zone.

Sorry, in fact the bush-hankies are popular, even here in the zone. The haark-and-spit is not exactly rampant in the streets, but to my horror I witnessed a female student spitting in the hallway on her way to class!

Should I mention my lack of fire-fighting training? It was after all, only a small fire we had in class last week.

In order to survive here, you’ll need a truck load of tools, including the house engineer gear. I’m not kidding! Be prepared to fix your own domestic disasters, ranging from electric failures and carpentry cock-ups to plumbing problems.

To help you out, I’ll give you a few handy bits. 菜鸟 Newbie Mandarin can be learnt from Ken Carrol and Jenny via some lessons on chinesepod.com So be sure to study up on:

• 菜鸟151 Don’t Drink the Water
• 菜鸟157 Power Outage
• 菜鸟158 Trip to the Supermarket

Here’s a couple of additions, thanks to one of my students and one of the Chinese English teachers. To solve the problem of bastardly shopkeepers reluctant to give a lot of small change, you could buy something worth 1 yuan and slap a fiver down on the counter. A bit of a pain if you can’t be arsed going shopping everyday. So here’s your Pin yin phrase to ask for change of a fiver:

ke yi gei wo huan wu ge yi kuai de ling qian ma?

Okay so the wu part is the 5, but don’t bother trying for 10 because you won’t get it. Next I have a variant of the “Can I take a photo of you?” question on every polite photographer’s mind, (despite the fact that politeness has a completely different meaning in the zone!)

wo neng gei ni zhao xiang ma?

Need this in another language? Check the forum at “May I take your picture” - add translations for as many languages as possible! Speaking of languages, if you’re into gaining some ability to read the written lingo while in the zone, try to learn Chinese characters, 中文.

Now reward yourself. There’s plenty of great food and you can afford to splash out as often as you want. Carnivores beware, just remember the 6 to 66 rule, ie. food should be kept below 6 or above 66 degrees or the devil will sting you in the ring. Beer is cheap, about 42 cents (Australian) for a 600ml bottle. We’re off to Qingdao this weekend to see what’s left after the Germans departed, 1914 - thankfully the beer factory remains.

I have to pack now, and try not to forget anything important. T-shirt, check. Shorts, check. Camera, check. Smile, check. Seems like I have everything!

A few plane rides later I am a little south of Beijing, in a freezing dust-bowl called Jinan. The city is the capital of the province of Shandong and the population could be anywhere between 4 and 6+ million people. The welcome hoo-ha includes a banquet with the big-wigs. Great food is a great way to interrupt great work.

The accommodation we are in is part of the old campus and it’s prime real estate. Hence the reason the university has sold it off and isn’t really interested in maintaining anything. The short version of the list includes several electrical power problems. On the plus side, we have some internet access and no-one has died yet of electrocution from the wiring and water mix!

So anyway, we go to work at the new campus. It’s a half hour bus ride that costs Y2 and one cannot get change, we must have the exact amount. Fine apart from the fact that everyone hoards their Y1 coins and notes. Roads in China are, as you might expect. There’s a brave driver or two out there.
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In my job, the office isn’t always the office. Sometimes its a cinema, a cafe, a sound studio, a winery, a news printer, a gallery, a museum, a bowling alley… I have to admit, teaching English rocks! Check this out for just a few reasons to like work:

• with my previous class, we went out for coffee and yacked about soccer and watched Bend it like Beckham
• in my class at Victoria University we are studying films, so we get to watch movies as part of the course! (Last Friday we saw Gorillas in the mist)
• sometimes we listen to music, like Cat Stevens (unfortunately not his best song)
• at Melbourne University our class excursion ended up with wine tasting at the Rochford winery
• students brought a rich chocolate cake to class for my birthday last Monday

  

To top it all off, next month I will be taking up an invitation to work in China! Nothing has been confirmed yet but the details so far sound pretty good to me: a free return flight, free travel insurance, free accommodation, 1 week of holidays between the two blocks of 6 weeks. So stay tuned and catch me hanging out in Shandong province . I wonder if I can wear Chacos on hot days…

And whatever you do, don’t work too hard!

At the Strike Bowling Bar for $7 you get a game and free French fries. That’s cheap! - but at about 6:30pm last night we had to make a booking for a 2-hour wait… It seems we aren’t the only ones who like Tight Ass Tuesday!

At the nearby Oxford Scholar Hotel (despite my protest of how terrible it has become) a few friends gathered for a couple of ales and to catch up on gossip. It wasn’t long before we returned underground for some lane and gutter action.


bowling at Strike on Vimeo

Thanks to all our friends who came along: Fujio, Takeshi and Takako, Boyun and Yasue, Chris, Helen, Mark and Jin. There certainly was a strong Japanese and Korean contingent from the CELTA course gang to make it a great fun night. Until next time, Cheers.

Before i Forget » LITTLE BECKY - SCHOOL DEMOLITION - All I can say is, I am glad little Becky from Dublin isn’t one of my students! In fact I only had one student to teach today. After watching Bend it like Beckham in class yesterday, I seem to have mastered personalising the lessons for my regular class! Want to try it for yourself, the Bend it like Beckham - movie quiz (PDF)? You have to rent the DVD with your own money!

First day of work for a really long time! I’ve got Mondays at Victoria University (ELICOS) for the next 5 weeks, teaching the Upper Intermediate class of English for Academic Purposes (EAP). The class will have around 12 or more students, from Asian, European, and Middle Eastern countries. This should be fun. At least I’ll finally have some income!

Wonder where I’ll be spending my Monday afternoons…

Last Friday we, who have been locked away for 4 weeks of intensive study and training, completed the Cambridge Certificate in English Language Teaching to Adults (CELTA). What a relief!

I certainly got more than I bargained for out of this course. A truck load of new teaching tricks, barrels of stress, a diminished immune system and an unshakable cold to boot.

Time for job hunting. Do you want to employ me? Great! I need heaps of pay and plenty of holidays, a little bit of work and a whole lot of fun. I am ready to start immediately.